Faux

Actress Natalie Portman launched her very own shoe line not long ago--the beginning of February, I believe. Talented, beautiful and brilliant, Portman is a Golden Globe winning actress, a Harvard graduate and often likened in looks to screen legend Audrey Hepburn.

Portman is also a fierce environmentalist--I have read she plans on running her own farm in the future--and she is a vegan. In case 'vegan' is not part of your daily conversation diet, a vegan is a person who consumes absolutely no animal products. Like say you're eating a cookie and you want to share it with Portman, she'll say something like, "No thanks. Against my code. Can't have milk and eggs." And you'll say, "Great! more for me."

So back to shoes. Portman really digs being a vegan. However, she also really digs fashion. And veganism and fashion HATE one another. Vegans love animals, fashion loves animal skins and animals as entrees. An intrepid diplomat, Portman has attempted to bring the two together by creating a totally vegan shoe line that is intended to be both chic and furry-friend-free.

Incidentally, all proceeds from the line are going to various environmental group promoting animal rights and other forms of greeny goodness.

Honestly, I LOVE this idea. Portman has said that she was inspired to create a vegan shoe line because she was constantly seeing beautiful shoes she couldn't wear. And I think it is entirely necessary to have animal-product-free clothing options out in the mass market. Furthermore, I think it is very brave and impressive of her to take on a project like this. Here, here.

HOWEVER,

the line is BORING. Sadly, unfortunately, really-too-badly-DULL AS BRICKS. And no, don't anyone give me any lip about how Little Chic and Little Simple are best friends what is simple is also timeless and chic. Shenanigans!! Excuse number 10,009,784,573 for making snoozer stuff. There is no imagination in these shoes. At best, these shoes are nicely shaped and have an all-purpose-wear-with-everything-you-own element. At worst, they are the shiny red shoe that looks kinda rad and you might buy it EXCEPT it does NOT in ANY way distinguish itself from every other red pump in the universe AND it costs about as much as every other red pump in the universe combined AND IT'S NOT EVEN REAL FREAKIN' LEATHER. It's a plastic shoe, a FAUX shoe. But to wear it, I have to cough up a kidney and then give it to Natalie Portman's anonymous, but environmentally friendly!, pet project. Bogus.